


Why am I not good enough?

by Rowan_is_dead_inside



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Logan Is A Sweetheart, Other, Patton made some mistakes, Remus doesn't understand his feelings, Roman gets knocked out in the first 400 words, don't ask why, the morningstar is named Leonard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26334352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowan_is_dead_inside/pseuds/Rowan_is_dead_inside
Summary: hjskhccbiuahx, I suck at summaries. Basically Remus ain't in an all good mindset and like thinks the others hate his guts.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Why am I not good enough?

He woke up with a gasp, --everything hurt-- nothing hurt. The realization that nothing hurt shocked him, he was just- he was just running from that thing a minute ago. Oh, it was a --nightmare-- dream.

“Just a dream, just a dream.” he sighed and kicked his legs off the side of the bed, standing slowly.

Wobbly, it was the only thing he noticed, he was wobbly. Maybe it was from lack of sleep or food? He hadn’t been eating properly recently, afraid he’d get abandoned if he asked for some. Whatever it was he wanted to fix it, fast. He couldn’t have the others see him like this, his reputation would be ruined and they’d pity him and show him fake love and care. . The more he thought about the fake love and care part though the more he wanted to go to them.

Maybe they wouldn’t show him fake love and care, maybe they would yell at him, or beat him up, or lock him in a room, or tear out his guts and hang them up around the living room like Christmas decorations, or they could chop off his limbs and watch him bleed out, or they could execute him and play a game of catch with his head, or they could soak his feet in saltwater and summon goats to lick his feet until the skin came off and the salt would come into the open wounds, or they could boil him alive and eat him in a soup, or they could-

He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts, “Not now, not now.” he fiddled with his hands, the fiddling turned into wildly twisting them or violently flapping his hands around. Everything was too much, too much, too much. He brought a hand up to his head, hitting it with his palm, “shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Loud, loud, loud, too loud. Shut up.”

He grabbed his morningstar, “time to go annoy people Leonard.” he stepped out of his room putting on a wild smile, and he walked and walked. And walked.. . and walked…. Why was the light side so far away? 

He finally reached the light side’s living room, Logan and Roman were there. Instantly Roman started to complain about his presence, so he did the most logical thing and hit him over the head with Leonard, “nighty night Princey.” 

He looked over to Logan who was giving him a very disappointed look, “what? He was being annoying.” Logan sighed, “why are you here Remus?” He raised a hand to scratch at his mustache, “to annoy you.” all he got in reply was another sigh and a “why?” He shrugged, “cause.” he refused to admit he was lonely, he shouldn’t get lonely all he should be is intrusive. 

“Try not to cause an excessive amount of chaos, please?” He blinked, taking a minute to process what exactly that sentence meant, “Sure thing Mr. dictionary.” another sigh, “don’t call me that.” 

He moved his way to the kitchen where nobody was. Huh, usually Patton or Virgil was in the kitchen, he shrugged it off and thought about getting food. Or eating that houseplant over in the corner.

He quickly got bored in the kitchen and walked back into the living room, “Logannnnnn” he made the ‘n’ extra long just to be annoying. Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Remus I do not have the time for your antics.” He was about to reply with something overdramatic but thought twice, “Okay Logan.” he grabbed Leonard and left off back to his room.

He walked, and walked, and walked, and walked all the way back to his room. He wanted to scream and smash stuff, why couldn’t they love him? What was so horrible about him? Was he that much of a monster? That much of a freak? He started to break down, he just wanted them to like him, he just wanted to be loved. He hated spending all day in his room with little to no interaction with anyone.

He summoned a small glass replica off himself and smashed it to smithereens with Leonard, he hated this, he hated himself. All he did was ruin things, he ruined things with his brother, he ruined things with Patton, he ruined things with Virgil, and now he ruined things with Logan. The only person he hadn’t ruined things with yet was Janus, but he was bound to ruin that soon after all it’s all he does. 

His stomach growled, maybe he should have eaten that houseplant after all. He sighed and stepped around the shattered glass, plopping down on his bed. He really was good for nothing, huh? 

A bitter laugh escaped his lips, and he was suddenly angry again. God, he hated himself, nothing he did was good, at all.

He guessed he would just wallow in self-pity until Thomas needed him, which was never. Never has Thomas once needed him, he was useless.

Somehow that realization hurt more than the piece of glass in his leg, he stared at the shattered Remus and sympathized with it. It looked like how he felt inside if that made any sense. It probably didn’t.

He sighed and got comfy in his bed, hopefully he could nap the day away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, not sure if imma continue this or not.


End file.
